Owning It

When my older cousin got her first car at sixteen, she added a hilarious bumper sticker to the center of her back window that read, "Fat people are harder to kidnap". Being thirteen at the time and going through a phase involving glasses, braces and pudginess, my insecurity levels were through the roof. Needless to say, I remember being so hurt and pissed off.  

Being thirty, fairly confident now and extremely cynical (I'm working on it), I now look back on this memory and laugh. Hell yes to the person who created that bumper sticker! Way to go on finding the positives in obesity! It amazes me that something so trivial could cause such an emotional reaction in me. Luckily, being overweight the majority of my life has given me something to help me survive--a sense of humor. I've learned to roll with the punches, for the most part. 

It has never been the straight-up bullies that have truly bothered me in life. I'd be lying if I said I haven't had my feelings hurt by them, but it's actually those good-hearted, well-meaning people that I've come to loathe. The bullies, at the very least, are honest in their approach. You know what you're going to get and you can brace yourself for it, take the hit and brush it off.

It's the little old lady at the ice cream shop coming up to you at twelve saying, "Sweetheart, you have such a pretty face! Are you sure you want to get that?" It's the well-meaning friend asking if you've got enough room to get out when they pull into a crowded parking lot or pulling you back when they think there may be too many people on the elevator (seriously girl, how much do you think I weigh?!).  It's those concerned, well-meant, sugar-coated jabs that stick with you for life. 

There's no way to defend an attack from a sugar-coated insult. Because of this, you're always on the defense, waiting for the bottom to fall out or for the guy you've liked to finally laugh and say, "Come on out guys, this one actually fell for it!" It causes you to constantly be on your guard, walls up, with a smile on your face, because you've finally learned to control your emotions enough to be numb to the negativity. 

This site isn't for me to post my whining, crying, poor-pitiful-me sob stories because I'm not the kind of person. Let's be honest--it's my own damn fault. It's been a struggle for me my entire life and it's probably going to be a struggle for the rest of my life. 

I've been doing low-carb now for about a year and have recently joined a gym that is a few miles from my house, open 24/7 and doesn't require me to commit to a contract. I've always heard that tracking your progress is a great way to be successful, so here goes nothing!